ANTHOLOGY LAUNCH- ZINE STALLS

The anthology has been made and we’re back and forth from the printers getting it spot on; we’ll have some pics soon. This means we’re going to be having another famous HAND JOB LAUNCH PARTY! The date for your diary is 3RD MARCH 2017 and we will have a poster designed and everything very soon….

The Time Travelling Vampire Harry Styles Fan Fiction Generator by Gerard McKeown

One day when David Cameron was still Prime Minister, he went out into the garden of 10 Downing Street to masturbate with a beer. He was feeling very stressed from doing all his important government work. When he put the tip of his wang into the neck of the bottle he became instantly aroused. He chugged away until he came in the beer. This would make for a tasty relaxing drink! But when he tried to pull his wang out of the bottle he found it was stuck.

‘Oh no!’ he wailed. ‘Now my friends Bojo and Gideon will laugh at me.’

He tugged furiously, but nothing would shift his wang from the bottle. Just then Harry Styles appeared from behind a tree.

Dangerous Literature by Jared A. Carnie

One of the greatest tricks that’s been pulled on the culturally engaged in the last few decades is the idea that your taste in art is somehow related to your moral quality as a human being. It’s given us a way to exercise our sense of moral superiority without having to actually think about anything…

Kids by Katie Lewington

though the world is unjust – queue of uncertainty and crime to see outside of a London home sunflowers and tomato plants with a note attached – inviting others to respect and enjoy them the person responsible for this – a seven year old girl if your kid does wrong you excuse them once grown…

2 Poems by Christopher Iacono

Tomatoes and Radio Wires When we first met, you gave me the fruit of your trust. I bit the soft flesh, savored the watery gel, swished around every seed before swallowing them. We planted a new promise to give back as much as you would take. Instead, frazzled copper fibers grow in their place bending,…

Eagulls – Ullages

I have been going to see Eagulls’ shows and buying their records for years now, and they’re a band who have constantly impressed me with every tune they have recorded. From Council Flat Blues onwards they have always been a go to band when someone asks to put a song on or if you’re pissed…

Submissions

We have 2 call outs here! 1 – Music   We’re looking for pieces of flash fiction and poetry to go into a micro-zine that will be sold at Dean Lilleyman’s book launch for his new novel, The Gospel According to Johnny Bender. Dean has become a close friend through our shared ideologies of what the…

The ‘Occultist Realism’ Theme

We never did ‘themes’ at Hand Job but then suddenly we just did one. Well… here’s how it came about. I’d burnt myself out reading fiction for a while; buying books and never having the motivation to pick them up. So, I decided that I was going to go for something a bit different this…

Issue 10 open for subs.

To friends old and new, we promised you more and now we shall deliver. Issue 10 is in the midst, and this time we’re bringing you something a little different. This is the first issue we have chosen to theme, but in true Hand Job style. We are looking for writing, artwork and ramblings on…

Launch party

The 23rd October marked the launch of Hand Job Zine issue 9. The night consisted, mainly, of readings, beers, more readings, beers, punk band, beers, lock in, beers. It all kicked off when the Hand Job crew rolled into the venue at 5pm, about 2 hours too early. We sat there with no idea what…