The Coventry Conch Part 4 – Christmas Eve

8am

Mum and Dad are in bed. Me, my sister, Jenny and little brother, Josh are watching Christmas cartoons, while  I cook us all some satsuma segments on the radiator.

We are all sat on the floor in front of the T.V, because mum and dad had a Christmas party the night before, and there is a man asleep on the sofa.

9am

I sit on the edge of the coffee table and stare at the man. He is wearing jeans and a Smiths t-shirt. He opens one eye, says a rude word, and tells me to turn the TV down.

When both his eyes are open, I tell him he’s at my Mum and Dad’s house, and then introduce him to my brother and sister.

I ask him lots of questions, like: Does he have a house? Does he have kids? What does he want for Christmas? Does he like Satsuma’s? Has he ever seen a ghost?

10am

Mum and Dad say Jenny and me are allowed to go to the newsagents down the road to do our Christmas shopping.

There is a car boot sale outside the shops and we find Mum the perfect present; it is a glittery Father Christmas to hang on the tree. We call him Gary Glitter Father Christmas.

12pm

I show Dad Gary Glitter Father Christmas, and he helps me build a sleigh for him out of wood in the garage.

I’m so excited about Mum’s present and Christmas tomorrow I run around the house singing ‘I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it…’

3pm

We drive to Granddad’s house. We have been seeing a lot more of Granddad lately. He has moved five doors up the road from Nanny Pam with his new wife Candy. Candy wears white suits with gold shoes, and always has pink lipstick on her teeth.

Granddad gives me a Marbie doll for Christmas. Marbie looks like Barbie but has a lot more make-up on and wears less clothes.

4pm

We walk down the road to Nanny Pams house. Nanny Pam has the best Christmas lights on the whole street. There is a blow up Father Christmas on the lawn that reaches Nanny Pam’s bedroom widow, some reindeer on the roof, and a singing Christmas tree on the doorstep.

Every Christmas Eve Nanny Pam’s ex boyfriend, Jim, hand delivers Nanny Pam a Christmas card, and then runs off before Nanny Pam can open the door. I feel sorry for Jim and every year I think next year I will wait outside for him to say hello, but then I forget about him.

6pm

We get home and put mince pies and sherry out for Father Christmas. I usually like to leave a Cadbury’s mini roll out as well, so he can have a choice.

Holly Watson

Born and raised in Coventry, but living in London for the last eight years. I took a stand-up comedy course last year and was encouraged by my tutor to start writing, so I did, and the Coventry Conch was born.

The Coventry Conch is based on my experiences growing up in Coventry. When I’m not blogging I do Stand-Up in and around London. 

Find more of The Coventry Conch here.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. raefonb says:

    All 4 of these were great, is there any more? 😀

    Like

    1. handjobzine says:

      I was about to give you that link. She is an amazing writer that is going to feature in the next hard copy of the zine.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. raefonb says:

        Brilliant, I’ll keep an eye out for the next issue. Really enjoying her blog posts, hope there’s another soon 🙂

        Like

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