The Coventry Conch Part 3 – Saturday Night

CovConch

7pm
Mum and dad are going to the pub and my cousin Leanne has come round to babysit. When mum and Dad have gone, Leanne puts my dads stereo on and plays Mum’s Toni Braxton CD. She stops it after every sentence and writes down the lyrics. This annoys me because usually when Mum puts on Toni Braxton, I like to think about a boy called Tom from my class at school, and look out the window, and try and cry like they do in the music videos.

7.30pm
I go upstairs and me and Jenny decide to play a game called IRA. We put tights on our heads and I wear my dad’s Parka Jacket. Dad has hidden his air rifle again, but me and Jenny find it at the top of the airing cupboard. It’s my turn to be captured so I lie on the floor and put a pair of pants in my mouth, Jenny points the gun at me and asks me to surrender or she will blow up the whole of Eastern Green. I try and shout ‘never’. Then Leanne comes in, she looks scared and like she might cry. We say the gun hasn’t got any bullets in, but she still tells us off. She makes us close our eyes and spin round while she hides it again.

9pm
Leanne’s boyfriend Swany Kid comes round, I like him, he drives a motorbike with lots of mirrors on, and has long hair. He can also play Wonderwall by banging his head with his fists and opening his mouth. I sit down next to him and Leanne. He lets me drink the foam at the top of his can if beer. It’s disgusting but I say I really like it. Leanne tells me to go to bed.

Jenny says the gun is under mum and dads bed, we go and get it to keep it safe.

11pm
Mum and Dad come back, and I can hear Leanne telling them that we are asleep. I jump off the top bunk and run downstairs. Dad has bought a kebab back, I sit at the table with him and he gives me a piece of the spicy flappy meat.

Holly Watson

Born and raised in Coventry, but living in London for the last eight years. I took a stand-up comedy course last year and was encouraged by my tutor to start writing, so I did, and the Coventry Conch was born.

The Coventry Conch is based on my experiences growing up in Coventry. When I’m not blogging I do Stand-Up in and around London. 

Find more of The Coventry Conch here.

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