Who smells of shit?

toilet-engaged

It’s been a while since our last post so here’s a little poem to brighten up your day!

Who smells of shit?

I

To the person who beats me to the toilet at work everyday
You know it’s the best bog around
And no matter how early I get there
You’re there with your arse touching down

The stench of your shit scolds my nostrils
I see that you open the top window to be polite
But I feel your diet leaves much to be desired.

I’m always dying for it when I get to work
But you always beat me and now it’s gone beyond a joke
The amount of times I’ve had to go downstairs
To the little box toilet
With my knees in my chin
Imagining your comfort
And admitting defeat

I wish I knew who you were
But you pretend that you’re not there
When you hear my steps
The trickling on porcelain
Not knowing how hard my bum cheeks are holding

I do envy how early you get there
For the glories of relieving the pain
The stomach stabbing illness that grabs me all day
As I can’t just poo anywhere

II

To the person who walks in on me mid-shit on a daily basis
I wish you wouldn’t persist with your constant exhaling
Do you know how bad this makes someone feel?
When they’re sitting there quietly
Just waiting till you’re gone to wipe.

I come earlier everyday
Just to avoid your contempt
You spend so long in there on purpose
While I sit in silent discomfort

I’m sure last time you splashed me
But I can’t say anything after pretending not to be there

You could not know I’m there though
Think the toilets constantly out of use
Been locked off because it’s gone mouldy
But I’m not sure this quite fits with you

I think you’re probably just a prick

III

They meet everyday
They work the same shift
But they still don’t know
Who smells of shit.

 

poo

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